To survive a PhD, I would provide the following suggestions that have worked for me, complete with details and examples from my own experience. Most of these I just learned as I went:
1. Have a life outside your Phd Too many people consider their Phd the most important thing in your life. I think the healthiest way to complete it is to consider it ONE important thing in your life, but to prioritize health, social relationships, and outside hobbies as well. I think one major error people make is to work so hard and so many hours that the only luxury or outside activity they allow themselves to have is to go binge drinking on the weekends, so they can supposedly drink their problems and stress away. It will always catch up you if you're not prioritizing other important aspects of life, and achieving some sort of work-life balance. Your Phd is not your entire life.
2. Accept failure as part of life and move on--you are not less because of it, you are greater because you had the courage to try. Failure and let-downs will be omnipresent in your PhD process. If you're not failing at least occasionally, you're probably not pushing yourself to your limit. I know people who are such perfectionists that they never end up sending anything to their advisors, which just means nothing gets accomplished.
In my first year of my Phd, I gave a sort of proposal presentation to three committee members, to basically update them and get their feedback on my ideas for research. I remember one of my committee members stating very bluntly that the proposal way below standards, needed a lot of work, and kind of chuckling while he said it. I had no guidelines for the proposal or the presentation, and had felt very much on my own up to this point. When they all left the room, after what seemed like forever and a lot of just staring at me while I waited for feedback, I broke down crying in the room. I was so personally hurt by it, felt more alone than ever, and like a failure. I look back on that and am proud of myself for doing the presentation and arranging the meeting at all. Although I knew it wasn't my best work, I know now the kind of mental state I was in was not conducive to good work and I had received little to no guidance. This failure allowed me to keep moving forward with my project, instead of letting perfectionism or fear of failure prevent me from submitting or presenting anything. I also try not to take things so personally now; no matter what anyone's opinion of you is, you have to love yourself enough to know that you're enough, just as you are.
3. Accept criticism, evaluate it, and move forward. Part of a PhD is realizing and recognizing your weaknesses, so that you can become the best professional in your field you can be. Though some in the sciences may not be adept at constructive criticism or empathy, do not take criticisms personally (or just let yourself be sad about it for 10 min, then decide to move on). It's just not worth your time and energy dwelling over your inadequacies. We are all a work-in-progress, we all start from somewhere, and you will excel at some things that others are weak in and vice versa. That's just life. I've realized that I'd much rather be a good person who cares about others than a really good scientist who is an a**hole. Put your priorities where they may lie, and realize that no one is perfect.
For example, during my masters I was told by a committee member that I had an "apologetic personality". I'll never forget those words. Although it was a surprise to hear it said in front of me and the rest of my committee, I knew that it wasn't meant with bad intentions, and since then I've really worked on my confidence when in front of people that can intimidate me, like professors.
During my PhD, I received quite harsh criticism from one of my committee members about my oral comprehensive exam. He very bluntly said I didn't answer the questions well, I was hesitant in my answers and that they barely passed me. I admit that whole evening I was upset about this and cried over it. All these negative thoughts came to mind especially "who am I to think I can do a Phd?" and a recurring one "why am I even still doing this Phd if it causes me so much pain?". It doesn't feel good to have someone criticize you so bluntly. But the next day, after consulting another committee member who agreed but also said it in a more constructive and helpful way, I decided to do something with this critique. I know that my strength is writing and that expressing myself in speaking is my weakness--I didn't need anyone to tell me that actually. But now I realize more that I need to work on it so I can be an effective communicator to the public which is part of that I'd like to do in my career. So as part of this blog, I'm working on creating short little vlogs where I'll talk about issues related to my work or other things I am passionate about, so I can practice speaking more.
As Rocky said, "it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward". Yes, I just quoted Rocky!
4. Be open and honest if your mental health is suffering. Doing a Phd can be intensely stressful, isolating, and draining. More than once you might consider quitting. I know I have. Sitting in a lab or office by yourself for hours on end--no wonder loneliness is a common thread in the stories of graduate students. And in case you didn't hear, loneliness has been declared a national epidemic (http://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2018/01/23/the-loneliness-epidemic). But if you know that you can get through it and it'll be worth it in the end, you shouldn't quit. Reach out to people you can confide in, who will really listen. Reach out to former mentors. Consider going to a therapist. I went to a therapist the first year of my PhD because of my depression. I would find myself crying all the time, just sitting somewhere. I was in a dark mental place and was having trouble getting out. I also had trouble making friends at Clemson and had no social network. I was in a lab by myself, I lived by myself because I would have to leave in 9 months to go to Charleston for my research, my department was extremely small, and the graduate student offices were located in what I called the "dungeon" where no one spoke and you had to weave through a creepy basement filled with furniture from the 1970's to find it. I was extremely lucky to have met my amazing husband in my first semester at Clemson, and he became my main social support system. I am also extremely grateful to my mom who listened to me on the phone and offered empathy and support in those hard times, as well as some very dear friends from back home in Pittsburgh and in Akron. It really helps to know someone has your back when you feel so alone. Don't be afraid to reach out to those people--most people have gone through hard times too, and they'll appreciate your honesty and trust in them.
Of course, if your health and well-being are suffering too much, know that quitting does not make you a failure--there should be no shame associated with quitting a PhD, it's just not for everyone, and honestly many of us do not need one. I don't know that I need one for a career outside academia which is what I'll pursue, but I've always felt that I could do more with a Phd, and I've always been driven by a genuine interest in my project. If you hate everything about your project, department, PI, etc. and you can't change it, it's time to consider what is important in life. You will not suddenly wake up one day with Dr. before your name and realize you've made it and life is amazing.
Also, look for my blog post called "An honest conversation about mental health".
5. Take care of yourself physically and mentally consistently--not every once in a while. Make sleep a priority. The UC Berkeley Graduate Student Happiness and Well-being Report found that sleep deprivation was the number one predictor for depression in Berkeley grad students (http://ga.berkeley.edu/wellbeingreport/). Get physical activity daily, and preferably strenuous activity at least a few times a week. A little sunshine and fresh air can work wonders. It's sometimes tempting to put off exercise or a walk in favor of work, but in the end you will suffer by not being consistent about your physical activity. In the end, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything.
Try meditation and mindfulness. I started learning about this during my masters, and it's helped me to be much more present and grateful for my ability to do even simple daily tasks. Meditation will help calm your mind, and help you remember what's truly important. If you want to find out a little more, I actually made a short video that got published on Clemson's health webpage about mindful pauses. http://clemson.readsh101.com/mindfulness-meditation-explained/
I also started doing yoga more consistently when I started at Clemson. I found myself having aches and pains that were foreign to me, and unusual for a 27 year old, I thought. I am now almost finished with my yoga certification for an RYT 200, so that I can teach yoga. It is so important to me to share the benefits of yoga and meditation that I decided to pursue a certification to teach. It has brought me purpose, joy, and a social network outside of work.
6. Accept that you may have to go it alone So many expectations of mine about doing a PhD have had to be let go. I will not have a mentor, unless it's in the last six months of it. I really was hoping for one and I believe every PhD student deserves one. The closest thing to a mentor I've had is my extremely helpful and kind statistics committee member. Yes, my worst subject, statistics, has been the greatest help to me. You may reach out to your advisers, committee, or others for help or guidance and not get any or very little. This has mostly been my case and I have heard it from friends doing their PhD. You may reach out about not feeling at home at your university, in your department, and other personal problems and it seems that no one cares. This is unfortunately a reality that is not uncommon in a Phd, as I have come to realize. It sucks. But now that I am 3 years in, I have decided that I am completely on my own, yes, but that has made me very independent in my work versus before when I would constantly doubt my own ideas and seek approval. I am more knowledgeable about my project than anyone else, and so the best person to make decisions is me. "Don't expect much from your committee or your advisers" has been a common phrase I've heard throughout my PhD....while this used to make me pissed off, now I just accept it as reality and have more peace with it. No one is going to help me be a better scientist other than me. If you have found a PI or other mentor who actually is invested in you, all the better.
7. Do something good for humanity, the environment, animals, etc. Taking part in service makes you recognize your place in this world, and how lucky we are to be healthy and alive. I have volunteered at the humane society and food bank during my PhD, although not as much I should! Plus, cuddling with cute kittens can only do you good. Find something you're passionate about, whether or not it's related to your work, and give back to the community. I promise you will feel much better for it.
8. Don't give up on personal relationships that really matter. Sometimes you have to find a compromise, and people who really want to stay in your life will understand and work with you. I have remained in touch with people who really matter to me from my masters program and one other close childhood friend. Don't forget about those people who know you better than most and keep you grounded.
As I said earlier, I met my future husband the first semester of my PhD, we got engaged a year and a half later and married two months after that. It was in the middle of my field season, but it was the best time for both of our families to be able to come, as most would have to travel either from somewhere else in the US, from Colombia, from China or from Russia (our family is spread out!). We've lived apart most our time together--1.5 hrs apart, then 4 hours apart my first summer doing research in Charleston, then 8 hrs apart when he moved to Florida. My husband finished his MBA after a year of us together and decided to pursue his dream of playing tennis professionally and the best place to do that would be Florida. I decided that when I wasn't doing my research in Charleston, I didn't really need to be there and I could write and analyze data from anywhere. So I told my committee that I would like to be in Florida Sept-April until I have to return to Charleston. They weren't big fans of the idea, but they also understood that sometimes we have to compromise and they allowed it. This enabled me to live with my husband at least part of the year. If we hadn't been dedicated to each other and willing to live with these compromises, we wouldn't still be together. Know when it's worth giving up certain aspects of your Phd (for me that's proximity to campus or Charleston and the opportunities I may miss out on) for a better overall life. I don't care about what I've given up to be with him--he has brought me so much joy and is the absolute best companion for me. I often say I don't know if I would still be doing a PhD if I wasn't with him; he pulled me out of a very dark place I was in, and helped me become the giggly, goofy, hard-working person that was buried under a layer of self-doubt, self-loathing, and depression. If you can find someone like that, don't let them go.
9. Embrace some form of artistic expression--art, dance, music, theatre, poetry, writing. Do something that allows your creative spirit out. For me, I have always said that salsa saved me at this point in life. I have always loved to dance, but I found a new outlet for it, a new challenge and I met my husband the first time I ever went out to try salsa. A great way to meet people is simply by doing things you love. I also love photography, and taking my camera for a leisurely excursion on a Sunday afternoon or in the evening for a walk is a favorite pastime of mine. Art allows us to achieve something greater than ourselves and tap into something we may not even realize is within us. As an art teacher friend once told me, "there is an artist in all of us".
10. Don't take yourself too seriously. While it may seem like your problems during a PhD are the end of the world, learn to laugh at yourself or at problems that may come your way. Some things are inevitable, like an entire field you hand planted with watermelon flooding and having to dig out mud by hand. I have found that by laughing at the situation, it just feels so much better than dwelling on its crappiness. Be goofy, have a laugh with colleagues, volunteers, or whoever is surrounding you. It just makes everything so much more fun. I think a better sense of humor about things and not being so serious all the time would make academics a lot happier.